Sunday, February 7, 2010
Hello? Knock, Knock. Is anybody still out there? I figured Royalty day was as good as any to get back into the swing of things; and although you may all be sick of hearing about my damn recovery I feel like I have some 'splainin' to do. So, amazingly enough I have decided that I am going to be today's Royalty. Yup, you heard that right, the woman that does not even like to celebrate her own birthday or like to be thanked for a job well done is calling herself royalty today, she says with a gulp.
Okay, take away all the labels and stuff, Mom, Wife, Daughter, Sister, Rancher, Volunteer, Blogger, Author,etc. What do you have left, just plain, boring Judy. I got really freaked out there for a second, my mind went totally blank. I thought oh my god, I'm going to be one of those ladies that got married too young and goes crazy and leaves their families and ends up singing in some honky tonk in Texas (LOL)!!! I mean I had tears rolling down my cheeks I was laughing so hard at the mental pictures I had conjured up!
You see, that's the whole point, that is all part of who I am, my labels. But, it also leaves me with what I would consider the bad or the negative stuff. My tendency to have health issues, which leads me to have anger issues, which is what I have been dealing with this last week. It's really sort of funny; I've had all of these blogs that I've wanted to post, but I just can't seem to get them written because I'm just too po'd right now! I've sort of been healing in layers, I picture myself coming back to life like an onion, slowly peeling the thin layers back. It started a couple of days after my ER visit, my fingertips were tingling and it worked it's way in from there. Well, about a week ago or so, the healing hit my brain, and I have been pretty irritable since then, to say the least.
The family and I have been trying to keep the mood as light as possible by joking that "Mom has come out of her coma", but the husband is just trying to steer clear! The huge stack of unopened bills, and the filthy house, and the envelopes from the schools, and the... were just so overwhelming that I spent a day or so crying trying to figure out where to start I am ashamed to say, And that is when the anger at the husband set in and boy did he have a rough couple of days, really you've got to feel for him. But, then I realized that I had not even known how serious I had been and how much time we had lost (until I opened a statement from Nov!) and that I had a right to be mad! It is a huge drag that my back got hurt so bad that I messed up my mouth to the point that it got infected. I damn well should be mad, that is how we as humans process things; I needed to get mad, get over it and get on with it!
So, we as a family cleaned the entire house, which the boys needed to learn how to do anyway. Tom and I tackled those bills with Grandma Ellen's lucky letter opener and I didn't cry (or yell!) once while we were doing it! But most importantly with this post, I have acknowledged that I am a strong inedpendent woman who has been through one hell of an ordeal, but am ready to put it behind her and am looking forward to what's next!
Make a miracle today!